Are You Being Emotionally Abused?

Oftentimes, we meet persons and initially the early interactions are great. There’s very little disagreements and each person seemingly attempts to show the best version of themselves. Of course at this stage, you would not know the person long or well enough to pick up on any alarming signs and quite frankly, some persons are extremely good at masking their true personalities and intentions for a very long time. The masking of personalities isn’t only restricted to love interests either, but can also include co-workers, friends and/or family members. It’s very easy to fall into abusive relationships for reasons other than how good another person is at masking, as it could come down to multiple factors such as past traumatic experiences where you find comfort in the abuse since that is all you know and grown accustomed to, time invested into the relationship where maybe kids are involved or conflict either internally or with your abuser that makes it difficult to admit that you’re a victim of abuse and even more difficult for you to get help and leave.

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Strangely enough, you could be reading this and be completely unaware that you are a victim of abuse yourself.
In most instances, we tend to think that abuse is only physical abuse and while it may appear to be the most obvious, other forms of abuse are equally detrimental on your well being. These other forms include:

• Emotional/psychological abuse
• Social abuse
• Technological abuse
• Spiritual abuse
• Financial abuse
• Sexual abuse

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In this blog we’ll be focusing on signs that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship.
It’s super important that you can first, detect signs of being in an abusive relationship and secondly, act upon it in your own way to make your circumstances better.
Here are 5 signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and while these signs in isolation may not mean that you’re in an abusive relationship, if you find yourself relating to multiple points and they occur often within your relationship, then there’s a high chance that you are.

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1. The Person Loves Putting You Down

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Healthy relationships involve pulling each other up when the other is unable to do it themselves or, depending on the situation, just being understanding and supportive enough when your partner isn’t in a good place. An abuser does the opposite, they put you into these places of discomfort by their words or actions either through public humiliation or through sharp verbal jabs and snide remarks. It’s often disguised as “a joke” or “just having fun”. The first time it happens, don’t be afraid to speak to them about how you disliked it as there could be miscommunications along the way or different personalities where something you may find funny, isn’t funny for the other person. If this trend continues even after making them aware, then you have a problem.

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2. They try to convince you that you’re in the wrong or overreacting

The correct term for this behaviour is known as “gaslighting” where they would knowingly deny doing something that you both know they did but wouldn’t admit to doing it. Instead, a common route taken is to try to convince you that you’re insane or simply blowing everything out of proportion, creating a lot of self-doubt. This is difficult to overcome in a relationship especially when it is habitual but regardless, it’s important that you stay true to yourself and what you know to be true. Resist emotional manipulation at all costs.

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3. They self-project onto you….ALOT

Self projection is the action of accusing or blaming on someone, claiming that the other person is guilty of either doing something that they themselves do or being something that they themselves are.
The root of this is often through insecurities as the abuser feels the need to make others feel as they do to feel better about themselves and this can leave you feeling exhausted as you’re accused of things you didn’t do or being something you’re not which most times lead to reoccurring arguments and an overall deterioration of trust. It’s important that you don’t take responsibility for feelings or actions that aren’t your own. Don’t lower your self esteem to match anyone else’s.

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4. They Always Try To Invalidate Your Opinions And Feelings

This behaviour can sometimes be mistaken for gaslighting but instead of being completely ignorant to the truth, the abuser acknowledges that you have an opinion or a feeling about something but they attempt to make you feel it isn’t as important as you make it out to be. It becomes even more obvious when they express similar feelings and opinions either at some point with the expectation that you’d give their issue the attention that they themselves are unwilling to give should the roles be reversed. This leads to an unbalanced relationship where there is emotional neglect to a point where you’re unable to talk to that person about anything that you feel as they’re unlikely to be supportive and open minded. It’s important that you remind yourself that whatever you feel has a reason behind it and its validity does not need to be justified.

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5. You’re Forced To Filter Your Behaviour And Actions

Best summarized as walking on eggshells, you are constantly forced to be particularly careful with what you say, when you say and how you say something due to fears of evoking a negative response from them. In fact, you’re more concerned with how they react to what you say/do than actually saying or doing that particular thing. This can be especially draining as you find yourself trying to avoid conflict/arguments and as a result, you neglect your self-expression, straining communication between you and that individual and at this point, there’s a buildup of things left unsaid. Think of it like a balloon…when you start off pumping there’s so much room for more air but as you continue pumping, eventually you reach a point where you must stop letting air in and tie it or let the air out…if you continue, the balloon bursts. The air is the buildup of unsaid words/conflict and the balloon is yourself in the relationship, remember to let the air out and if you feel as though you can’t, then that’s enough reason to question the integrity of this relationship. 

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Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is especially frustrating because it’s not something that can be measured visibly and to those on the outside looking in, it may not seem alarming so you tend to find yourself not having anyone who can relate to what you feel. However, you must remember that you CANNOT FIX someone who exhibits abuse toward you. Only they can decide to stop, and while you may be able to influence them in some way or another, it doesn’t guarantee that their behaviour would change for the better. If you decide to remain in this relationship, you must also build a support network of persons that can you through the difficult periods up until the point that the situation improves through improved behaviour or you deciding that you’ve had enough. Remind yourself that you deserve better and ensure that you make your mental health a priority.

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